ARE WE WHAT WE ABSORB? 

CW: mention of murder, abuse, and trauma.

By: Alexa Strong

There is an age-old question of: are we what we absorb? Our knowledge is solely based on what we absorb and experience as we go through life. Everything we know is from something we have read, watched, heard, discussed, etc. We are constantly evolving and adapting as we take in new information. Literature and art open our minds to creativity and new ideas, each conversation we have with others challenges our perspectives, and a wide variety of experiences, good and bad, leave distinguished marks in our minds. Reading this is another example of something you are absorbing. The brain is always actively interpreting, filtering, and integrating what we absorb into our framework of understanding. The fascinating thing is that everybody absorbs things at different rates and in different ways. A group of people can read the same book or watch the same movie but each walk away with different interpretations and understandings. It depends on each person whether or not those interpretations stick with them and contribute to how they portray themselves. 

We are exposed to a myriad of things throughout a lifetime, each thing taking a spot in our brain whether we realize or not. CEO of Cross River Therapy, Steven Zauderer, found that scientists estimate “the modern human brain will hold up to 1 quadrillion pieces of information” (Zauderer, 2023). Most of that information is absorbed and experienced in our formative years. There is a sufficient amount of evidence pointing to these consumptions and exposures as elements that shape our identities as we get older. From what we watch, to the books we read, and from conversations we have, to experiences we undergo, each one contributes to who we are. Zauderer also found that we have the “tendency to remember events that occurred when we were young, called the ‘reminiscence bump’”, which actually “can account for 60% of all memories” (Zauderer, 2023). Most of the experiences that happen in our childhoods specifically, are what affect us the most because it is a critical period of absorption as our brains are at their first stages of development. Since our brains are working so hard in our youth to grasp onto as many aspects as possible to gain an understanding of the world, we sometimes tend to absorb the wrong aspects of life more than the good. These happenings are regularly recognized in the lives and actions of serial killers and can be further explained by Sigmund Freud. 

Many people often wonder how serial killers come to be. What makes someone murder another human being? Were they born with this mindset? Were they influenced by what they absorbed throughout their childhood? These are just a few of many questions that we are going to delve into as we explore Freud’s findings to connect to the psychopathic tendencies of American serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer, who sadly took the lives of 17 men and boys between the years 1978 to 1991, to figure out what Dahmer mentally absorbed as a child and how that ties into his actions as an adult. 

Sigmund Freud is an Austrian theorist and neurologist, mainly known for his founding of psychoanalysis. Literary Theory: An Anthology by Julie Rivkin and Michael Ryan, along with Kendra Cherry’s “Freud’s Concepts of Thanatos and Eros”, go into detail about Freud’s psychoanalytic thoughts and his ideas on the direction of human behavior. Although Freud does not directly connect his research and findings to serial killers, I find that many of his concepts are relevant to understanding their minds and actions (in this critical essay, specifically Jeffrey Dahmer) and how what they mentally absorbed as children played a role into who they became. 

Freud’s concept of Eros and Thanatos plays a role in how people act not only on their own but with and towards others. Eros and Thanatos are competing forces that go hand in hand when directing human behavior. Eros derives from the ancient Greek god of love and fertility; it is the life instinct, meaning it promotes survival, reproduction, social cooperation, and many other natural instincts. Thanatos, on the other hand, derives from the personification of death; it is the death instinct. This causes aggression, risky behavior, and the reliving of past trauma. Freud theorized that people are driven more towards Thanatos because “’the aim of all life is death’” (Cherry, 2024). Since our ultimate “fate” is death (using the term ‘fate’ loosely here), we are more self-aware and drawn towards things related to death and destruction; for example, people finding enjoyment in watching crime documentaries. Cherry also noted in their article, “Freud believed that people typically channel this death drive outward, which manifests as aggression toward others” and how some people “can direct this drive inward, however, which can result in self-harm or suicide” (Cherry, 2024). When people do not learn the ways of coping with such aggression, they get so accustomed to getting out that built up tension in a specific way that is only doing more harm than good. Such as serial killers adopting murder as their solution to getting that aggression out. Think of a water balloon; a balloon can only hold so much water before it pops. Yes, our minds can hold 1 quadrillion pieces of information, but when it comes to experiences, we can only absorb so much trauma before it becomes too much. That is why it is important to learn coping skills from a very young age because taking in all that healthy coping knowledge can help guide you in making yourself feel better (not in ways that harm you or others) when you are trapped in a mentally dark place.

Jeffrey Dahmer, along with many other serial killers (not all), did not grow up in a healthy living environment. There are many events that happened in Dahmer’s life that were absorbed into the deepest parts of his mind that are theorized explanations of why he did what he did. Up until the age of four he lived an energetic and happy life, according to his parents. The first traumatic event he experienced was surgery to remove a double hernia, when he became afraid his penis had been cut off; this can explain why he mutilated the penises of later victims. After this event, Dahmer became withdrawn from everything around him. He was never physically or sexually abused by his family, however he dealt with a great deal of neglect and emotional abuse. 

Abuse, normally from own family members or other close individuals, is common in adolescent years of many serial killers, in which they continue the cycle of abuse and violence because those horrific memories are blinding their conscious. Tamara Higgs, a student at Regis University who published a project researching psychopathy and neglect, found, “characteristics of the abuser or perceived wrongdoer in the serial killer’s past will become the same characteristics that the serial killer seeks in the present when determining the next victim” (Higgs 6). When you absorb such trauma throughout your life, you tend to remember the face of your perpetrator. Whether serial killers realize it or not, their killings are often recognizable by something we call a signature or M.O., meaning modus operandi or “mode of operating”; such as having a pattern of victims who have similar characteristics or killing in a certain manner. Dahmer’s most known signature was dismembering his victims, in which he was possibly inspired by Ed Gein, a convicted murderer who robbed graves and dismembered victims. It is unknown for sure if Dahmer actually read comics featured Ed Gein in which he would have gotten inspired from, but if he did, that is another example of something that can be absorbed and executed later on in life. 

Circling back to Dahmer’s experience of abuse and neglect: his mother struggled with anxiety and depression, his father was busy with work as a professor, so he was not around much, but when he was, Dahmer witnessed his parents’ marriage fall apart as they fought and got into countless verbal altercations. He fended for himself most of the time, so as a teen he became disengaged and anti-social. Anti-social behavior is a common trait of serial killers because those who have faced neglect in their childhood tend to lack healthy social skills from being deprived of human interaction and are “at an increased risk for anti-social traits, borderline personality disorders, and violent behavior as he or she gets older” (Child Welfare Information Gateway, 2008a; Finkelhor et al., 2009 qtd. in Higgs 7). Due to Dahmer’s lack of social skills, he was unable to from connections with others at school and took interest in mutilating dead animals; this connects to him witnessing his father removing animal bones from underneath the house when he was just four years old. Another thing absorbed from his childhood carried over into his adolescence. This activity was something he and his father did together. In the article “Jeffrey Dahmer’s Childhood: A Pail of Animal Bones Was His Toy Rattle” by Adam Janos, Janos states, “He was bleaching the flesh off the bone. Just like he’d learned as a young child from his dad.” (Janos, 2022). It is known that a lot of serial killers begin first with a history of animal abuse and mutilation. Because Dahmer was not guided by his parents, he took the knowledge he absorbed from those moments, and used it in his future killings. In an article written by Colin McEvoy, “Dahmer claims that his compulsions toward necrophilia and murder began around the age of 14” (McEvoy, 2023), which we could question: if his father had not entertained the idea of mutilating animals, would Dahmer had found such a connection to it? Would he have continued these vicious acts if he had not absorbed such violent visuals? So many ‘what ifs’ with unfortunately no answer: only theories. 

Higgs mentioned in her research that adolescents who have witnessed violence growing up are more likely to suffer from “long term emotional, physical, and mental trauma,” and will “become desensitized to the violence and many times will integrate this behavior into their own attitudes when relating to others” (Higgs 5). This is associated with children developing more aggressive tendencies and struggling with attachment and abandonment, as well as different forms of anxiety, depression, and other additional psychological conditions. Dahmer not only witnessed the violence of animals being mutilated, but he also saw the violence of his parents’ fights ending in divorce when he was 18 years old. This ended with lack of contact with his mother and little brother. This caused him to spiral and get addicted to alcohol, which led to his first killing. Through Freud’s studies, he discovered that neurotic symptoms “frequently displace desires, or anxieties, or drive energies that are unconscious onto expressive activities or compulsive thoughts” (Rivkin & Ryan 390). This could be why Dahmer felt the strong urge to turn to murder. He felt displaced in the world after his parents’ divorce caused more of a rift in the family, and it just sent him over the edge. Absorbing so much, neglect, abuse, loneliness, isolation, etc. over so many years caused a shift in his brain in which he decided to take out all this aggression and unwanted feelings into the only thing he knew made him feel good: violence. Dahmer once said, “It gave me a sense of total control and increased the sexual thrill, I guess, knowing I had total control of them and that I could do with them as I wished.” (The Scotsman, 2000 qtd. in McEvoy, 2023). He did not have much control over his childhood life, such as the traumatizing surgery he had, not connecting with other kids at school, his parents’ divorce, not having much contact with his mom and brother after the divorce, etc. Murder became his answer to release all the built-up traumatic memories and aggression. 

I think in a way we are what we absorb. Our knowledge is what we read, watch, and learn; what we know is from what others have created and put out. Personally, without the things I have experienced, witnessed, and learned, I am not sure I would be the same person I am today. In the case of serial killers, I am unsure. I think in a way, they became what they absorbed in childhood and adolescence, but it is a difficult concept to give an exact answer to. However, from going through the events of a serial killer’s life, it is easier to see how the littlest things absorbed in life can affect how someone turns out. Now, this may not be the same for everyone, but nonetheless what we absorb does affect us in one way or another, whether we believe what we absorb makes us who we are or not. 

Works Cited

Higgs, Tamara. “Jeffrey Dahmer: Psychopathy and Neglect.” ePublications at Regis University, 2012, epublications.regis.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1240&context=theses. Accessed 7 May 2024.

Janos, Adam. “Jeffrey Dahmer’s Childhood: A Pail of Animal Bones Was His Toy Rattle.” A&E, 4 Oct. 2022, www.aetv.com/real-crime/jeffrey-dahmer-childhood-serial-killer-cannibal-bones. Accessed 7 May 2024.

Kendra Cherry, MSEd. “Freud’s Concepts of Thanatos and Eros: Understanding the Life (Eros) and Death (Thanatos) Drives.” Verywell Mind, 22 Apr. 2024, www.verywellmind.com/life-and-death-instincts-2795847. Accessed 7 May 2024.

McEvoy, Colin. “Jeffrey Dahmer.” Edited by Biography.com Editors, Biography, 15 Sept. 2023, www.biography.com/crime/jeffrey-dahmer. Accessed 7 May 2024.

Rivkin, Julie, and Michael Ryan. Literary Theory: An Anthology. Wiley Blackwell, 2017. Accessed 7 May 2024.

Zauderer, Steven. “Memory Capacity of Human Brain: 29 Human Memory Statistics & Facts.” Life-Changing ABA Therapy – Cross River Therapy, 16 May 2023, www.crossrivertherapy.com/memory-capacity-of-human-brain#:~:text=Over%20the%20course%20of%20a,1%20quadrillion%20pieces%20of%20information. Accessed 7 May 2024.